


I wouldn’t have done that to you.

by YouDontKnow (akirachan98)



Category: Attack Attack!, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hate, Love/Hate, Unplanned Pregnancy, fight, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:20:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akirachan98/pseuds/YouDontKnow
Summary: Mikasa and Levi are facing some serious problems.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Levi
Comments: 21
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1/Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! This is my first fic in english so I hope its ok to read for you! Dont bother to correct me I would be really thankfull for that!

"Damn it! What are you doing, Ackermann!" The captain of the special unit looked at the black-haired woman angrily. Now the looks of the remaining soldiers, who were also on the training area, turned to the young woman with the red scarf.

"I am protecting my comrade, sir! It is my duty as a soldier..."

But Levi interrupted her hastily and in a gloomy voice. "A comrade? You mean your little friend! What you are doing here has nothing to do with your duty as a soldier. Even here in training, you can't concentrate on your duties and follow orders!"

Furiously, the black-haired woman stared at her superior, but bit her tongue to avoid aggravating her situation even more.

"Training is over! Gather your equipment and return to the camp. I'll check if you've cleaned the equipment later."

Moaning, the soldiers set off and collected their equipment to bring it back to the camp. The captain's eyes, however, were on Eren Jäger, Mikasa Ackermann and Armin Arlert. He had had them under his command for years now and he wondered how constant the dynamics between the three of them were. Eren was still driven blindly by his hate for the Titans and made no secret out of it. But Arlert showed more and more potential every day, not in combat but in strategic thinking. But he saw the greatest progress in Mikasa, who, with the right training, was able to take on several Titans at once. If only it weren't for the fact that as soon as Eren was in danger, she turned off her mind and risked not only her own life but also the lives of the other soldiers. It made Levi angry, he didn't understand why the young woman was so focused on Eren, even though he kept distancing himself from the trio. It was almost sad to see how futile Mikasa's efforts for Eren were.

After a while he detached his gaze from the trio and walked past them towards the camp. As little annoyed as possible, he said, "Ackermann, you come to my office after."

Without Levi noticing, the black-haired woman rolled her eyes.

After the soldiers had spent an hour cleaning their equipment in the quarters, Armin looked up from his 3D maneuvering gear and looked at Mikasa. "You'd better go to Captain Levi's office now, or he'll punish us."

"Armin, we have been recruits for a long time now, we've even been promoted and he still treats us like his subordinates."

"We are his..."

"You know what I mean Armin. But you're right I should hurry, I don't want us all to get in trouble anymore."


	2. Chapter 2

Mikasa didn't bother to come to her supervisor's office quickly. She climbed up the stony steps from the equipment-room to the wooden stairs leading to the offices of the higher-ranking soldiers. The parquet floor bounced slightly under each of her steps, but that did not bother her. It could have been a pleasant day for her and her colleagues. There hadn't been any major casualties for some time now, and they only undertook smaller missions, rarely encountering truly menacing Titans. Today the sun shone relentlessly on the camp of the soldiers of the survey-corps. The light fell through the windows sporadically, which were located on the long corridor. Light grains of dust danced their eternal dance.

Mikasa sighed softly, not in the mood for a conversation with Levi. She could already guess what he would accuse her of. It wasn't the first time he had summoned her to his place and made her aware of her mistakes. It wasn't that she was the only one. The other soldiers also had to pick up their captain's blast from time to time, but less often than the black-haired one.

Arriving at the door of his office, she gathered briefly and straightened her uniform a little, knowing how important cleanliness and order were to her superior. She did not want to give him one more point of attack than necessary. She also straightened her red scarf, which she always wore. Even today, in this weather, she made no effort to take it off. She preferred to sweat a little more and tormented herself with the heat.

She knocked on the wooden door and waited for permission to enter. Immediately a male voice answered, "Come in!" Without hesitation she entered, closed the door behind her and saluted as they had been taught to do right at the beginning of their training. Levi looked up only briefly from the papers that lay in front of him on his desk, waved briefly and pointed to the chair that stood in front of the desk.

Slowly Mikasa stepped to the desk and sat down on the chair. Now she was able to take a closer look at Levi, who still had his eyes on the papers in front of him. He wore his uniform as usual with the only difference that it didn't fit as perfectly as it probably had a few hours ago. The heat was also getting to him, because he had small beads of sweat on his forehead from time to time. Although the window was open, the heat was uncomfortably in the room. Hastily Levi scribbled something on the sheet in front of him and straightened up a bit. Now his gaze lay on the black-haired woman in front of him.

"Ackermann I think you know why you're here."

"Yeah, I lost focus in practice. It won't happen again."

"Not so hasty! A little unfocused? I have been observing this behaviour for a very long time now. You are a very strong and talented soldier Ackermann, but you are not capable of following orders. Or rather, you are incapable of obeying once Jäger is involved.

A little uneasy she grabbed the scarf around her neck, as if she wanted to get some air.

The Captain's gaze became concerned. "It's a temperature like in the hell and even now you're wearing that scarf. Mikasa, this can't go on..."

The black-haired one hardly flinched noticeably when he pronounced her first name, he had done this several times before, when he had spoken to her and it became more serious.

"You're one of the best soldiers I know, and yet you keep stopping yourself all the time, I understand he's your family, but that doesn't justify anything here in the least.

Silence.

It took Mikasa a moment to answer. She didn't want to be here and have her supervisor look at her like that. She didn't want to have to justify her decisions to him. "Captain, you just said it yourself. "Eren is family and I will never abandon him, no matter what the consequences will be."

Tired, Levi leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"I understand Ackermann. So you'd rather give your life or that of another comrade to make sure Jäger is feeling good? You give up everything for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. You should've realized it yourself by now."

"Eren would never..."

"Oh, you really think so?" She was interrupted by Levi.

Mikasa knew the truth, he was right. She had noticed long enough that the bond between them all was weakening and Eren was only chasing his own motives. And yet she remained stubborn in her behaviour. Without another word, the young woman rose from the chair and made signs to the door.

Levi made no attempt to stop her. He knew he had hit a nerve with his words and even if it was painful, she had to understand it for herself.

With his left hand he reached into one of his drawers and took out an envelope and stretched it across the desk towards Mikasa who now looked at him questioningly.

"Don't worry, it's only a task for your group. Commander Erwin gave it to me, but I think you are capable of doing it yourselves. Hanji and I think it would be a good exercise for you. I expect the results in five days."

Carefully Mikasa accepted the envelope and nodded. She turned around and put her hand on the door handle. For a moment she hesitated as if she had something to say but then decided to leave the room.

With a raised eyebrow Levi looked after her until she had locked the door again. Quietly he murmured to himself. "Damn Ackermann! What's going on in your head?"


	3. Chapter 3

Mikasa walked back the corridor to the soldiers' quarters. For a short time, she looked up into the burning sun, but soon she had to avert her gaze again. She thought about the words Levi had told her. She knew it! She knew better and had known that for many years now. She noticed Eren moving further and further away from them and from her and yet she did not want to believe it.

It hurt her just to think how much Eren had changed. He was no longer the happy child of the from days, he was driven by hatred. There was no room in his heart for Armin or for her. To shake off the thoughts, the black-haired woman accelerated her steps back to the quarters. She was curious what kind of task the soldiers would have to accomplish.

Once in the quarters, all the soldiers had already gathered for lunch and Mikasa had the chance to share the message she had received.

"Hey! Listen up, everybody!"

In the room it became silent instantly and all eyes were on Mikasa, who continued.

"We have a new assignment." She lifted up the envelope and opened it. Her eyes flew hastily over the letters on the paper, before she began to speak again.

"We are to plan an expedition of our own."

"What? They want us to plan an expedition of our own? We've never done that before!"

"It's just a little scouting mission. At least that's what the other documents say."

"How much time do we have?" It came from Jean.

"The Captain wants the results in five days."

"This should be more than feasible." Armin spoke relieved.

"Maybe for you, you little geek." Jean Puffed

"Oh, shut up, horse face!" Eren had jumped up from his chair and made threatening gestures towards Jean.

"Guys, please stop fighting already. If we are to succeed at this task, we all have to work together." Armin pulled slightly at Eren, who sat down again.

5 days later

Every day the soldiers met to work on the expedition. They made slow but steady progress and were ready on their last day of the time given to them. They had decided to divide the formation into several small groups to reduce their potential target for Titans. Only the final allocation of the soldiers to the groups themselves had not yet taken place. The only thing that had already been decided was that Eren should ride in the middle of the formation, as it was one of the safest positions. It was agreed that his loss would be a great loss for all mankind.

Armin looked intently at the filled-out sheet in front of him. Only the names of the individual soldiers had to be filled in. Erens name had already been entered by Armin.

"Jean you will ride in the front formation, agreed?"

"I don't have a choice anyway, right?"

"Sasha, you're most useful in the left wing where you're furthest from the food supply." Disappointed, the woman sighed but surrendered to her fate when Armin entered her name on the plan.

More and more names found their place on the paper until only three names were left.

"Connie, you and I will ride on the inner right wing, there I have the best overview of the whole formation and can adjust our plan to the situation if necessary".

Jean was once again heard clearly "But wait a minute Armin. What do you think? I'm all alone up here in your plan. This is the most dangerous position in the entire formation.”

"Don't worry Jean! You're not alone, Mikasa will ride with you." A pair of dark grey eyes narrowed and now looked at Armin.

"Mikasa is our strongest soldier, so you'll both do." Jean, who obviously liked this plan, now looked at Mikasa with a smug grin. "Well, Mikasa, we'll have some time together alone."

Ignoring Jean's statement, Mikasa now spoke directly to Armin. "I will ride next to Eren. It's the best position for me."

"But Mikasa." Armin tried to appease the young woman "Eren is in the middle, that is the safest position, he does not need any additional protection. We need your full fighting force at the front."

"At all costs he must be…”

"Mikasa stop it," it came irritably from Eren. "Armin is right. I don't need any extra protection. And certainly not from you!"

"But... but... but... but you... you must be..."

"I don't have to do anything Mikasa! You are just acting childish! I’m not your little brother, when will you learn? Nobody here wants your selfish behavior anymore, including me! You're a pain in the ass. I'd be better off without you.”

Mikasa was silent and looked at Eren with eyes wide open and horrified. Armin did the same to her. The whole room was shrouded in an uncomfortable silence, all soldiers had interrupted their chats and were now watching the situation just as eagerly.

Slowly Mikasa rose and her eyes filled with tears. She turned away and left the room without another word. "Mikasa, wait!" Now Armin's shocked look changed back to Eren. "You shouldn't have said that to her, you know very well it's not true."

Arriving in front of the quarters, Mikasa's steps began to become faster and faster until she ran. The soldiers had been so engrossed in their work that they hadn't noticed that it had already begun to dawn. But she did not care. She wanted to leave. Away from Eren, away from all those looks, away from the situation. But she knew it, she could not run away from the pain anymore. By now she had crossed the entire yard and was getting closer and closer to the trees that were nearby.

The tears that were still running down her cheeks relentlessly prevented her from seeing everything around her and so it happened. Suddenly she bumped hard against someone and she had to stop. She did not know whose arms she had run into and yet she did not care. The arms were still holding her and she took the chance and pulled the other body closer to hers. The other person's arms wrapped themselves around her and let the young woman do. The tears of the black-haired woman slowly soaked through the shirt of her counterpart.


	4. Chapter 4

Slowly Mikasa detached herself from her opponent and looked more closely at the person in front of her. When she recognized who was just in front of her and who had just comforted her, she was even more startled and took another step back.

"Captain... I... that..." The soldier stammered and was about to leave, when the man grabbed her wrist and pulled her back a little.

"You will not leave now, Mikasa." She stared at his eyes. Another shiver ran down her back as he said her name. "Please stop." He let go of her wrist again.

"Captain, it's nothing. I'm going back to my room. It's getting late."

"Nothing?" Levi pointed to his soaked shirt. "It doesn't look like nothing to me."

The young woman was silent.

"A terrible night, isn't it? A scorching heat all day and in the evening, it cools down so much that you're almost freezing." While Levi spoke, he looked up into the sky and watched the slowly rising moon between two trees.

Slowly Mikasa began to tremble, but not because she was cold, but out of sheer rage. Rage against herself, rage against Eren, and rage against Levi, who wouldn't let things go.

"Damn it!" Mikasa cursed.

"Go ahead, let it out! Scream as loud as you want, they won't hear you, and you won't impress me anyway."

Mikasa followed the call and began to shout out all her suffering until she again had only angry tears in her eyes. "You were right, Captain! What you told me a few days ago is the truth."

Fascinated by the recurring strength in Mikasa's voice, he faced her again and examined her body from top to bottom. She had become a beautiful, strong, young woman and even though she was now standing in front of him so hurt, her appearance did not leave him cold. He did not know when he had started to think about her that way, he only knew that she was important to him in another way.

"Jäger's not worth it." He took another step towards her. "He does not see what the others see."

Mikasa made no attempt to retreat even one step, she was seething. Her feelings were driving her crazy and blended into an indefinable tangle. She knew what she needed. Just once she wanted to be seen as the one she really was, wanted to be desired. In this situation she didn't care that Levi was her superior and she would regret it later, but she needed intimacy now. Without further hesitation she interrupted the remaining distance between them and put her lips on his.

Carefully he pulled her body closer to him so that not even a leaf would have fit between them. He was cautious and yet he let himself be drawn into the game with her. Her kisses became more demanding and made it clear to him in what mood Mikasa was in. But he also knew this kind of game. He interrupted the kiss, roughly grabbed the scarf around her neck and whispered in her ear. "Put it down. You wear it like a dog, as if you were the property of Jäger. Tonight, you are mine." Slowly he wrapped the scarf from her neck until it was completely in his hand.

Mikasa was not able to move, her feelings were too strong. When he took the scarf from her neck, Mikasa felt what freedom felt like. It was like taking the leash off a dog. Fascinated she looked at Levi who was waiting for her reaction. It lasted only a short moment when she pressed her lips on his again and was digging in his hair with her hands. Levi carelessly threw the scarf on the floor and took no notice that it fell into the dirt. He concentrated on exploring Mikasa's body with his hands.

Again he interrupted the kiss and pulled her behind him by his hand. "Come! I don't want anyone to see us." Hastily the two moved to Levi's house, which was a little away from the normal soldiers. Next to it there was only one more cabin, where Hanji was quartered at the moment. Arriving at the door, Levi reassured himself once more that nobody had seen them, and once more he breathed the cool air.

In the cabin he pushed Mikasa further into the room and kissed her stormy. With a jerky movement the young woman tore open his shirt and thus gained access to free skin. Both of them knew it for sure at that moment. They were like two drowning people desperately gasping for air once more, even if it was only water that filled their lungs. There was no thought of consequences, no thought of tomorrow.

There was no love or regret, both were driven by sadness, anger and loneliness. Both were looking for a way of redemption in this moment, without taking the feelings of the other into account.

-

Several small rays of sunlight tickled Levi's naked skin when he awoke. He lay in his bed, naked and with a woman by his side. He knew exactly what he had done the previous night, he had let himself go and used Mikasa to do so. Levi felt shabby, what was he thinking?

Now the person next to him also got up a bit to get orientation. Her gaze wandered over the clothes spread out on the floor and then to the man next to her. It was a moment of realization when they looked at each other in silence. Mikasa was also ashamed of the last night. She had used him, used him to distract herself from her grief and without even considering a consequence.

Levi and Mikasa stood up and got dressed. "This never happened, it was a mistake. You agree with that, don't you?" Mikasa nodded hastily.

"It never happened, Captain."

"Very good Ackemann. You should get back before you're asked troublesome questions. Oh, and make sure no one sees you leaving my cabin."


	5. Chapter 5

Weeks went by. Nobody had dared to approach Mikasa after the incident while planning the expedition. None of the soldiers wanted to risk provoking Mikasa again or testing her patience, so they all acted as if nothing had happened.

There was an unpleasant tension between Eren and Mikasa, which almost spread to the whole group. Armin was the only one Mikasa could still deal with normally. He had seen how hurt the young woman was by Eren's behaviour and did everything to cheer Mikasa up again.

For several weeks the soldiers had been in a special training situation. They were preparing for their planned exploratory expedition, which was to start in less than two weeks. The plan, which had been drawn up by them painstakingly, was merely supplemented by Commander Erwin with Hanji and Levi, who were also supposed to participate in the expedition. The latter had been particularly careful not to spend too much time in Mikasa's vicinity during the past weeks.

To avoid further quarrels Mikasa had accepted her position at the top and trained even harder to distract herself from her grief. Just now the soldiers stood in the hot afternoon sun, which shone on their heads mercilessly, and practiced fighting with their swords.

The young people encouraged each other in a 1-on-1 fight. It was a cheerful atmosphere on the training ground, since this afternoon, they had the opportunity to train on their own and without a superior. They were tired of the constant commands and harassment and enjoyed their little test of strength.

Only Mikasa was sitting a bit aside, she didn't feel so well and used this moment for a little break. Jean, who had noticed this very well, now shouted loudly and audibly for everyone. "Hey Mikasa nobody is sitting around here loafing! You're next."

Reluctantly Mikasa rose again and stepped into the middle of the soldiers. Relieved, she looked into Armin's eyes as she saw who she had to fight against. It was Sasha. The girl who constantly plundered the pantry and was far inferior to her in battle. The redhead, on the other hand, didn't seem to be very pleased to have Mikasa as her opponent and started to tremble slightly.

"Hey Mi... Mikasa please be nice to me. You know I have always shared with you."

Unimpressed by Sasha's words, the black-haired woman took another step towards her. The first punches, which Mikasa performed with consideration, could still be fended off by Sasha's arms. She even managed to hit the young woman once, but Mikasa remained unimpressed. She jumped up and pulled Sasha's leg away. The "Potato Girl" hit the floor and cheered in shock.

The surrounding soldiers applauded her slow, obligatory applause. Connie reached out a hand to Sasha and helped her get back on her feet. Just as Sasha was about to shake hands with Mikasa to congratulate her, it happened. Mikasa only noticed it slightly at first, but again and again her vision blurred and she became sick. She tried to turn away to walk but her mind turned to a dark black and she slowly sank to the ground.

There was an immediate sense of excitement, because something like this had never happened before in all these years. Of course, soldiers collapsed now and then, but Mikasa Ackermann had never been on the ground. Jean had kneeled down to her and carefully slapped her cheek. Armin had taken some water from his bottle and poured it over her face. Slowly the young woman regained consciousness, but only to look into very worried faces.

"Mikasa? Are you all right?" Asked Jean worried.

"I... I... just feel a bit sick." Whispered Mikasa

"We better get her to the sickbay! I suspect she's dehydrated and has heatstroke. We spent the whole day out here in the blazing sun." Now Armin also interfered.

"That's a good idea Armin. I'll go and tell Hanji." Connie set off in the direction of Hanji's cabin. Meanwhile Armin and Jean, who didn't want to leave Mikasa's side, brought her to the sick bay. When they arrived, they put her on a bed and waited.

At the end of the corridor they could already hear hurried steps and a completely overexcited voice. The head of the department opened the door in a sweeping manner and looked at the young woman lying in the bed.

"Mikasa? Connie said you fainted during practice?" She moved closer to the bed.

"I was just a little dizzy." Mikasa tried to get out of the situation.

"That doesn't matter here for now. Guys! You can go back to training."

"But squat leader!" Jean interfered.

"No buts. She's fine, she probably just didn't drink enough. You'll see, tomorrow she'll be back to her usual self. Now get out and close the door." With these words Hanji pushed the young men out of the room.

"Men must all be so curious..." Now to you, Mikasa. How do you feel?" While Hanji was speaking, she felt the pulse of the young woman.

"I just told you. I was just a little dizzy earlier."

"Well, don't lie to me Mikasa, I can see you're still pretty pale around the nose. Do you have a headache?"

"No, I don't have a headache."

"Hmm... oddly enough, if my diagnosis is correct, you should've had some. You know, heatstroke is always accompanied by headaches. Do you have any other complaints?"

It was visibly unpleasant for Mikasa to be questioned like that by the department head, even though she knew it was for her own good. She liked Hanji - she took on a motherly role for the soldiers, so she couldn't lie to her.

"Yes, I have this nausea."

"Have you had it for long?" During these words she laid her hand on Mikasa's forehead.

"It's only been about a week."

"Do you get nauseous after you eat something?"

"Not really, always in the morning and then randomly throughout the day just like now."

Hanji frowned, because a new hypothesis was forming in her, which she thought was very far-fetched.

"Sometimes I have a slight stomach ache. I thought it was due to all the stress of the last weeks. In two weeks, we're going on a scouting mission and we're all getting ready."

"That may well be, but it's just a simple exploratory mission, so nothing to worry about. Where exactly is your stomach-ache then?"

"Around here." Mikasa put one hand on her trained lower abdomen.

Hanji now sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at Mikasa with a look unknown to her. The young woman wondered if she really could recognize a slight blush on the cheeks of the older one.

"Mikasa I must ask you this question. Tell me, is everything all right with you, that is, this one thing that we women all have to suffer once a month?"

Now Mikasa also ran red when she answered. "I should have gotten it a week ago, but I thought it might be the stress."

"It could be Mikasa. I'd still like to do a quick checkup of your stomach, if I may."

The young woman nodded to Hanji briefly, allowing her to lay her hands on her belly. Carefully and concentrated she palpated the belly of the black-haired woman and stopped when Mikasa briefly took in a breath.

"Do you feel pain at this particular area?" She squeezed again.

"That's where it's worst."

The look of the squat leader avoided the look from Mikasa and she rose from the bed again.

"Mikasa, I wouldn't have considered it possible in this situation or under these circumstances, but..."

"But what?" Mikasa got a little nervous.

Hanji smiled and took Mikasa's hand. "You're pregnant."


	6. Chapter 6

Mikasa shook her head slightly. "No... No, it can't be. This can't be..."

"Relax Mikasa, it surprises me too, but it's something wonderful. I didn't know that you and Eren..."

"Eren? No it's not Eren, he's not the father."

"No"? Then who is it?" Hanji frowned.

"I don't want to talk about it." The eyes of Mikasa became cold.

"Listen, Mikasa, you can tell me, I'm not here to judge you. I just need the name for the report."

"Report? What kind of report?"

"Well, the report to your superiors, of course. Protocol dictates that. In your case, I must inform Captain Levi immediately."

When Hanji pronounced his name, Mikasa became even paler than before.

"Don't worry, Mikasa. It happens all the time that female soldiers get pregnant. It's the way of nature. You have nothing to fear. On the contrary, you have much to expect now. You could be excused from duty if you wanted to. Gently she stroked the back of the young woman's hand with her fingers. "You will stay here for now, we will discuss everything else later. I'll be back in two hours."

"Hanji! Please! I beg you not to tell anyone. I don't want the others to know." She lowered her gaze as she spoke.

"Oh, Mikasa, you worry too much and sooner or later everyone will see it anyway. Will you tell me the name of the lucky father now?"

But Mikasa's gaze remained lowered.

"I see. You need time, that's fine." With these words Hanji rose and left the room.

Mikasa put her hands in front of her face and let herself fall backwards onto the bed. How could it have come this far? What had happened that night should remain a one-time event. She was ashamed and felt bad. She imagined the judgmental, pejorative looks of her comrades. And once they would find out who the father was, she was sure of the ridicule of the whole troop.

Another wave of nausea came over the young woman and she curled up. With all her strength she tried to calm down and closed her eyes.

When Hanji had stepped into the corridor and locked the door of the room behind her, she took a deep breath. She felt pity for the black-haired soldier because she had watched her insecurity. The fact that she did not want to name the father to her also worried her. There was actually no apparent reason for her not to do so, unless she was ashamed.

But Hanji considered it almost impossible that Mikasa had been the victim of an abuse. After all, she was the strongest female soldier humanity had ever seen. While she continued to think, she strode leisurely to Captain Levi's office. Once there, she knocked on the door but entered without waiting for permission.

Levi sat at his desk, in front of him a stack of papers. Without even looking up, he began to speak in a monotone tone. "I tell you every time, four-eyes, it's rude to burst in here like this."

"Oh, Levi." The woman smiled "We're friends, there's no need for that!"

"Tch."

Meanwhile Hanji had walked through the office and was tampering with a shelf full of papers. Now Levi put his pen aside and looked up from his work slightly annoyed. He watched the head of the department and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"May I ask what you're doing with my papers?"

"Don't worry, I won't make a mess. All I know is that you keep your files better than I do, and I'll find them here faster."

"Great.”

"You could make yourself useful for once instead of just sitting there watching me."

"Hey, four-eyes! You just barged into my office and immediately tampered with the shelf. And how in the world am I supposed to help you if you won't even tell me what you're looking for?"

Hanji stopped digging through the papers. "In fact, you're right. " Look, where do you keep the official forms for the soldiers' health records?"

"State of health is at the bottom, from left to right." Reassured that Hanji had stopped leaving any mess in his neatly sorted files, he turned his attention back to the documents on his table but still listened to Hanji with half an ear.

Meanwhile the woman had kneeled down and went through the sheets bit by bit. She muttered the headlines softly but still clearly audible. "Injury in training, injury in expedition, lost limbs, death, ahh... here we are, pregnancy."

Levi still didn't look up from his desk, but couldn't help but make a snappy comment. "Ha, just say one of your soldiers managed to get herself pregnant!"

But the department head was not particularly impressed by her colleague of the same rank. "For once, you're almost right. Because it's one of your soldiers."

Still disinterested, Levi replied. "Do I look like I'm interested in any way? You can just finish the report and I'll sign it. Now please let me continue my work here."

"Don't be hasty, Levi." Hanji came closer to the desk and waved the sheet. "Sure you don't want to know who it is?"

"Do I look like that?" His look was now annoyed.

"Actually, no, but I bet you'd still care if I told you it was actually someone you wanted for your task force."

Levi once breathed out audibly. "So tell me, when the hell you'll leave me alone, you're the most annoying person I know!"

"Hey, you don't have to be mean about it, but yes, I'll go and let you get back to your boring work."

"Don't make it so exciting and tell me already."

"It's Mikasa Ackermann."

The lead of the pen Levi had written with broke when he pressed it onto the sheet and he froze. "Sorry, what? Did you just say Ackerman?"

"I knew you'd be interested!"

"When did she... well...?"

"For not even wanting to hear the name just now, you're pretty curious. I guess it's been a few weeks, maybe four or five, but I can't really say yet."

Levi got up from his chair and turned to the window that was behind him. Slowly he put his hands on the windowsill and investigated his face, slightly reflected in the glass. He was shocked, the timing was fitting perfectly.

"And did she also tell you who the father is?" Levi put a trembling hand on his neck to calm himself.

"No, she didn't, but Levi is everything alright?" Hanji still only saw the back of her comrade.

Levi carefully turned to her again. "Damn Hanji. I really messed up."

"Levi, you look pale. What's wrong?" She hurriedly stepped to his side, but he did not move.


	7. Chapter 7

"Levi what's wrong? I've never seen you like this. You look so terribly pale."

But Levi just kept staring silently into the room.

"Levi? Shall I take you to the sickbay? You are scaring me." Hanji put one hand on Levi's shoulder. Only now he seemed to return to reality. Hastily he began to loosen his tie from his neck, threw it on the table and opened the top button of his shirt, his jacket hanging crookedly over the back of his chair. He took one deep breath before he began to speak again.

"No, Hanji, I'm fine. I'm just a little warm."

"I can see that, you're all sweaty. You should have a drink and then you'll tell me what this is all about." Hanji reached for the teacup that had been on the table before and handed it to the black-haired man. Hastily he drank the rest of the cup and put it back on his table.

He sat back down on his chair and showed Hanji with a hand movement that she should also take a seat. So she did and took a seat on the other side of the desk.

"I will tell you something now Hanji, you have to promise me that you will keep it as confidential as possible. Can you do that?" Levi's usually so ice-cold eyes, looked pleadingly into those of his comrade.

"Levi, you know that I am always loyal to you."

"About Mi... Ackermann, I know who the father is."

Hanji clapped his hands joyfully. "But that's good!"

Levi lowered his head, ran both hands through his face and stroked back his wet hair. "It's me." He couldn't look Hanji in the eyes, only once in his life had he felt so bad.

"Did I just get that right, Levi?" Hanji's eyes were widened.

"Yes, unfortunately you heard right. I am the man responsible for Ackermann's condition."

Without any warning it broke out of Hanji. "That's great! Do you know what that means? The two strongest soldiers of mankind are having a child! I wonder how strong it will become?"

"Great? More like disgusting... and I would never give my child for any of your experiments. It should never have happened anyway."

Startled, the department head looked at her counterpart. "What are you talking about Levi? You are going to be a father and even if the circumstances were obviously not the best, you will still be there for your child."

"I'm a soldier, not a father. I can't take care of a brat when humanity is on the verge of extinction! This can't be true..."

"Levi, no matter how you feel about it now, you should talk to Mikasa. And I'm sure you know what protocol demands."

"Of course, I know. The superior must be informed, in my case it's Erwin, and as if that wasn't bad enough, I have to do it myself."

"Hey Levi, he's probably not gonna be happy at first, but he'll understand. If you want me to come with you, I will."

Levi waved her off. "Thanks Hanji, but I'll do it myself. I'll tell him right away, but first I'm going to change."

Besides Hanji had filled out the paperwork to hand it over to Levi. "Here! Take this, so Erwin can sign it right away. I'll finish this up for Mikasa and leave it here in your office so you can sign it too."

"Thank Hanji." Even though Levi felt uncomfortable leaving the brown-haired woman alone in his office, his desire to get changed as quickly as possible was stronger.

With racing thoughts, he made his way to his cabin, skilfully ignoring the glances of individual soldiers he encountered on the way there. No one had ever seen him so agitated since he had joined the survey Corps - not even the death of individual soldiers had ever hit him like that.

Arriving at the hut he slammed the door behind him with far too much force. He went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He looked up and gazed at himself in the mirror. Small drops of water fell from his strands and landed on the shirt he was still wearing. He couldn't stand looking at his own reflection for long. It only made him angrier about himself and the world. The same thoughts kept repeating in his mind like a time warp.

"Damn it! What have you done? Why couldn't you pull yourself together? I can't do this! Why did she have to bump into me that very night?"

With quick steps he now entered his bedroom to change his clothes. He looked at the perfectly made bed. It still seemed dirty and like a crime scene. Pictures from the night a few weeks ago were flashing in his head, but he quickly shook them off.

After the black-haired man had changed his clothes, he went back to the building where his office was. One floor above him, Commander Erwin had his office, where he had to be right now. He tried to imagine how Erwin would react, but he couldn't because he couldn't imagine him in this situation.

He never thought he would have this conversation. He didn't want to, he didn't want a family. But only a few people knew the reasons why. He climbed the stairs and entered the corridor which led to Erwin's room. Arriving at his door, Levi knocked with a heavy heart.

"Come in." It came out of the room muffled. Levi entered and closed the door behind him. "Ahh Levi! It's you. I thought Hanji was trying to get me to catch some Titans for her experiments again." But Erwin's smile petrified when he saw Levi's face.

"Levi what's wrong? Have you got bad news?"

"Yes, you could say that."

"Then do not keep me waiting and speak." He pointed to the chair in front of his table.

"I only tell you this because I have to, so I'm asking you to keep it to yourself." Levi sat down.

"I still don't quite understand, but so far we've always been able to trust each other."

Levi wanted to make it short and painless, like a band-aid that was quickly torn off.

"I'm going to be a father."

The commander looked surprised. "You're kidding Levi."

"Do I look like that?!" He crossed his legs and folded his arms in front of his chest.

"Honestly, no, but I always thought you didn't want to bring children into this world. Not to mention I don't know of any woman in your life." Erwin had wrinkled his forehead.

"I never said it was all intentional. I just found out about it, too."

"Very well, but the obvious question I'm about to ask you is this."

Without another word Levi handed the document to the commander and looked to the side. He waited for his lecture.

Erwin took the document, which had obviously been filled out by Hanji. Quickly his eyes scanned the lines and searched for a name. For a moment, his eyes widened when he had found what he had been looking for, but he gathered again before he started to speak.

"Mikasa Ackermann! Is this correct?"

"Yes."

"What were you thinking? I mean, I don't mind you living out your needs, but please don't do it with your own female soldiers who are directly subordinate to you!"

"I'm aware of that now Erwin, it was just this one time. I don't know what got into me and believe me, I regret it the most." Levi lowered his head and looked coldly at the ground.

Erwin on the other hand leaned back in his chair. His facial features relaxed again. "Well, Levi, it can't be changed now anyway. And if we strictly follow protocol, you haven't broken any regulations. We're at war, so different rules apply. Relations between soldiers and superiors are allowed. But I don't have to tell you that it's highly unprofessional and questionable."

"As an expecting father, you are entitled to a certain number of things. You no longer must go on expeditions if you don't want to. You'll find other uses for yourself anyway, since your rank is very high." But Levi interrupted the rant of his commander.

"Erwin stop! I know the protocol, I'm a superior officer myself. But I can't make any decisions yet. It's too early and I still have time until the expedition. I think nothing will change for the moment.”

"I understand. I'll give you time to think things over, but please come to me when you've both made a decision."

Levi nodded and rose. He turned around and left the room.

"You two? He doesn't really think I'm going to discuss with Mikasa what I'm going to do now?! What I need now is some rest and time to do some thinking."


	8. Chapter 8

After Hanji had filled out the second document as well, she placed it on Levi's desk neatly. She couldn't believe what she had just been told either, but she was happy about this news.

She made her way back to the sickbay to inform Mikasa about the further procedure. Once there, the young woman was not lying in bed as expected but stood at a window and stared outside.

"Mikasa? Is everything all right?" Hanji came to her side and looked out of the window as well.

"I saw him. He was walking angrily across the courtyard, looking anything but happy."

"Oh you mean Levi, yes that's true he was a bit upset, but I'm sure it will blow over. It's all normal Mikasa, he was just as surprised as you." Gently she put one hand on the shoulder of the black-haired woman.

"You can go back as soon as I explain everything, okay?"

Mikasa nodded in agreement.

"So, as I told you earlier, you now have some privileges. You don't have to participate in trainings anymore if you don't want to. Also, you don't have to share a room with someone anymore, you could get one just for yourself. Fights to get enough food are now a thing of the past, you can get the food of the higher-ranking officers. But the most important thing is that you don't have to join any expedition anymore. This also applies to the next expedition in a few weeks."

"Hanji, that all sounds fine, but it is a lot of information at once. I don't want to reveal anything in front of the other comrades. I know they'll find out sooner or later, but not just yet." Mikasa looked down as if she was ashamed again.

"That's all right Mikasa, but don't take too much time or they'll catch it the natural way. Besides, I want to see you here in the sickbay every two weeks now. That's an order."

"Got it, thanks Hanji." Mikasa was about to turn away to leave the sickbay when Hanji pulled her into a loving, almost motherly embrace. "It will be wonderful Mikasa! You just don't know it yet. Don't worry, he'll be there."

The next morning Mikasa appeared as usual for breakfast with the other comrades in the large dining room. She took a plate of porridge and walked past the officers' tables in the direction of her comrades. There was no official seating arrangement, but the higher-ranking officers always sat a bit apart and kept to themselves. Hanji was already sitting at her place and wished Mikasa a good morning as he passed by. The seat next to her, where Levi usually sat, was still empty.

After Mikasa arrived at the other soldiers, she sat down next to Armin, who immediately looked at her with concern.

"Mikasa, how are you?"

"I'm better now. Thank you for getting me to the sickbay yesterday. The heat was really getting to me, I should have drunk more."

"Yes, that's right." Relieved Armin turned to his breakfast again.

Jean and Connie, who had listened to the conversation attentively, nodded in agreement.

"Will you be back in training today?"

"Yes, I'm back to my old self. I'm not going down again." Mikasa was just starting to spoon her porridge when Jean gently pushed Connie, who was sitting next to him, into the side to draw his attention to something. "Psst Connie! Look there! The Captain looks even worse than usual. If he's in a bad mood, he's gonna give us tons of trouble at practice today."

Mikasa's gaze slowly wandered to the officers' seats and indeed, Levi had just settled down next to the department leader with even deeper circles under his eyes than usual. The way he looked, he was anything but in a good mood and this circumstance was not exactly improved by Hanji's broad grin.

Now even the somewhat smaller man let his gaze wander through the hall until his gaze met that of Mikasa. Startled she devoted herself to her meal again, how could she look him in the eyes? He knew exactly what was going on, she knew more by looking at him. Of everything she could say now, it was that he was not very enthusiastic either.

From one moment to the other, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, it was an unexpected presence that made her feel uncomfortable. Behind her, the voice of her superior, which was very familiar to her, sounded out.

"Soldiers! Get out of here! You will be at the training area in 5 minutes with full gear!"

Jean mumbled to himself sullenly. "Great, why does the midget always have to be in a bad mood?"

"That's ten extra rounds for you, soldier Kirstein! Any of you other incompetents here want some lessons? No? Then why are you still sitting here?

At once, hasty activity broke out in the dining room until almost all the soldiers had disappeared. Only a few officers were still sitting in their places and continuing to talk. Everyone already knew about Levi's outbursts of rage and so nobody worried except Hanji, who knew the true source of his frustration.

"Please don't torture them to death today! I don't want to see more people in the sickbay." Levi had understood Hanji's allusion very well but was not in the least interested in her advice.

Tetchily he made his way to the training area, where the soldiers were already putting on their equipment.

"What are you dawdling around here for? Do you think that just because we've had a little peace from the Titans lately, we can relax here? Wrong! You should train harder, that way you can at least extend your fighting time until you die."

The training Levi went through was one of the toughest the soldiers ever had. Hardly any of them managed to speak a word because they were all out of breath. Only Mikasa was still able to speak to some extent. "Torture, that's what he does to us, it's not training." Sasha nodded apathetically as if she hardly noticed anything.

Levi who had heard the words turned around abruptly and his shoes stirred up some dust. "Did I hear that correctly, Ackermann?" He walked threateningly towards her. "You think just because you're the best here, it's all useless?!" His voice grew louder and louder.

"No Captain!"

"Well, Ackermann, if I hear anything like that again, I'll make you clean the equipment for a week!"

The other soldiers, who had followed the scene attentively, looked at each other only in disbelief. He had actually not punished her. Usually he was always the first to give out punishment rounds, only this time he wasn't. Something was wrong with their captain today, but what it was and that Mikasa was the reason for his behaviour, nobody would have guessed.

Another week went by without any significant incidents. The training of the soldiers intensified from day to day. The glances between Mikasa and Levi now became more frequent and yet he didn't find the courage to talk to her. He knew very well that it was up to him to take the initiative. Hanji had made it unmistakably clear to him. And yet his fear was too great, he couldn't do it. He neither could nor wanted to be a father, so what should he tell Mikasa. They both knew about the pregnancy. Why wasn't that enough?

From day to day Mikasa grew more and more insecure, but even she did not manage to start a conversation. Their conversations during the training were short and limited to blunt instructions and commands. Nobody knew what was really going on in their minds when they looked each other in the eyes.

On the last day of the week, anger rose in Mikasa alongside uncertainty. She used every little chance to provoke him inconspicuously, but he remained unimpressed until she took the last possible step. Since that night she had not worn the red scarf she had got from Eren. It had been Levi who had finally taken it off her neck. It had become a symbol of freedom that she hadn't worn it since, and since it was very warm, no one asked her about it. Only her Captain and she knew the truth.

But that morning she wrapped the scarf around her neck again and entered the dining room as usual. Deliberately slow she walked past the officers' tables but did not pay any attention to anyone. Especially not Levi, whose eyes widened briefly.

When the young woman had arrived at her seat, she noticed from the corner of her eye how he had got up and now said something to Hanji. She looked at him for a moment but only to realize that he had already gone to the door. When he had put his hand on the handle he looked back into the room and straight into her eyes. She didn't know what it was, but she thought she could see hurt, insult and anger in his eyes. Even if the eye contact was only short and nobody took notice of it, it was as intense as a thousand words. He broke it off and left the room.


	9. Chapter 9

Levi's feet knew exactly where they were taking him. He was heading straight for his supervisor's office. He had instructed Hanji to take over the training for him today. The captain was so shocked that he couldn't think straight anymore. What he had just seen there in the eating hall hurt him in an unknown way. How could she wear that scarf again? He just wanted to escape from this situation quickly, as fighting was not an option here.

With hurried steps he reached the room of Erwin Smith. When Erwin Smith had invited him in, Levi did not make any further detours.

"Erwin I know what I want!"

" And what's that?" Erwin seemed visibly taken by surprise.

"Transfer me to the inner district, today." His penetrating gaze hit Erwin with all his might.

"But Levi, what are you going there for?"

"Do I really have to explain to you why it makes sense to have someone from the survey corps in Stohess?"

"No, you don't have to, I know that myself, but why do you want to go to Stohess now, especially now?"

Levi sat down facing Erwin. "You won't let go, will you?"

"No, not usually."

"The thing is, Erwin, I need time and space to figure things out."

"Isn't everything already clear?"

"Erwin, don't make me beg. It's my privilege." The black-haired man leaned forward.

"That's probably true, but I don't think it's really going to get you anywhere."

"Let me be the judge of that!"

With a heavy heart Erwin breathed out before continuing. "All right, I'll get everything ready, you'll be stationed temporarily in Stohess. You will represent the survey corps there and take care of plans. We will maintain daily correspondence."

Relieved Levi nodded and reached out his hand. "Thanks Erwin."

"I still don't think it's the best idea. We'll miss you on the next expeditions."

"The next expeditions are boring anyway. Actually, everything Hanji does is boring."

"And this from you Levi of all people? You're the one who's going to make yourself comfortable inside the walls now."

A dry laugh escaped the captain's throat. Erwin was right, he had always been a man of action, but now he was a coward. He was more afraid of his present situation than of some abnormal Titan. But he needed this distance now to be able to think clearly, because one thing was clear, it wasn't possible here in this environment. He had to see Mikasa every day and could not manage to jump over his shadow and now she wore that scarf again.

"I'll be leaving tonight. A courier will arrive tomorrow with a message from me."

Erwin took the last chance and looked Levi deep in the eyes. "Don't take too much time, you are needed here, even if you don't feel it yet. Sooner or later you'll realise it, and when you do, make a move and be a man."

Levi left the room to go to his own office. No one had ever questioned his strength, no one thought of him as weak. And yet he knew exactly what Erwin meant. He might be a great fighter, but he lacked experience in the field of family completely.

Arriving in his office, he packed up the most necessary documents and looked around one last time. He did not know when he would be back, but that was not what worried him. It was the fear of the future, which was now uncertain. He took his papers and made his way back to his cabin, there he had enough to do before he would leave.

The midday sun had reached its highest point when he looked out of the window. He watched as the soldiers returned for their break to fortify themselves. But his eyes were only fixed on the black-haired woman who was running next to Armin and Eren as usual. He could not understand why she was so fond of Jäger. Even now under these circumstances, she didn't seem to deviate from her behaviour. It hurt him to see her constantly putting herself in second place.

But now another feeling had come along, a feeling he had never known before. It was jealousy. He couldn't stand the way she looked at him, as if he was everything to her. He had thought that something had changed since that night and that she had come to her senses, but it had only been a wish. When the soldiers had entered the building with the dining-hall and thus had escaped his field of vision, he closed his eyes briefly.

He didn't know why these thoughts came to him just now, but he let them flow for a fraction of a second. He smelled her scent, tasted her salty tears that had run down her cheeks. He felt her soft skin and saw her wonderful body.

But immediately he felt a stab in his heart, for she wanted only Eren, it was all he could see. It hurt him too much to see her every day. He had to leave to be able to arrange his thoughts, for in this environment it was not possible for him.

When evening came, he had packed everything he needed to take with him to Stohess and put it on the small veranda in front of his cabin. He locked the door because he didn't want anyone to touch his things until he returned. He made his way to the stables, which were not very far from his cabin, to get his horse. When he came back with the reins in one hand, he noticed a person standing in front of his cabin. When he came closer, he identified her as Hanji. It was not surprising to see her, because her hut was right next to his.

"Levi? Are you going for a ride? And someone left two sacks on your doorstep."

Levi stopped and tied the horse's line to a wooden pole at the cabin.

"No, I'm not going out, and I put the sacks there." While he was talking, he fetched them and fastened them to the saddle.

"You'll have to explain that to me, Levi. I don't understand." Hanji scratched the back of her head, slightly confused.

"I will go to Stohess." It came out just between Levi's lips.

"To Stohess? Does Erwin have a job for you?"

"No, I'm stationed in Stohess as of now."

"What? It can't be! Erwin would never station you in Stohess in this situation! I'll talk to him immediately." Hanji was just about to charge off when Levi stopped her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"It wasn't Erwin's idea either. It was mine. I wanted to go to Stohess."

"But Levi, I mean why? It's not the right time."

"I can't stay here any longer, it's just not possible."

Hanji became more energetic as Levi mounted the horse. "You can't just disappear like that! You should stay here and talk to Mikasa. Are you going to leave her alone?"

"I just need some space and time to think and figure things out, that's all. And she's not alone, she has Jäger. She's wearing it again, that dirty red scarf. With these words he gave the horse the command to start riding and immediately went into a gallop.

Hanji watched him for some time until she couldn't see him anymore and went to her cabin brooding. She didn't know why he was acting so strangely, but she understood that he must have been hurt. Anyway, it explained his behaviour that morning.

Only one thought went through her mind.

"It's all right, Levi, while you're away, I'll keep an eye on her. Please don't take too much time, or you'll destroy something before it could even have begun."


	10. Chapter 10

None of the soldiers knew what had changed, they only felt that something had become different. Levi had not come for training, instead another officer had taken over the training of the soldiers. At first, they just wondered, but from day to day they began to question his absence. Nobody knew where their captain was or at least nobody wanted to talk to them about it.

Mikasa found it ridiculous that he was probably trying to avoid her. He did it so well that it felt as if he was no longer there. What she couldn't guess was that this was exactly the case. After three more days some soldiers took courage during the training and asked Hanji about the whereabouts of their captain.

Hanji, who was responsible for today's training, was anything but eager to answer this question. She knew that Mikasa had no idea that Levi had been transferred to Stohess, the more difficult it was for her to answer the question now, even in such a big group. She had hoped Mikasa would find out in a different way, but now it was too late.

"If you have any matters that you need to discuss with your captain, please come to me."

"Why?" It came from Jean. "I'm just saying... we haven't seen him for a few days now. And he's still our supervisor, or did we miss something?"

"No, Soldier Kirstein, you have not missed anything. The Captain is still your superior, but he doesn't have to supervise you for 24 hours a day, so he's in Stohess and takes care of the Survey Corps' affairs. The training is finished here, you can leave."

The soldiers scattered, whispering. "Well, he makes it very easy for himself."

"It's nice and safe inside"

"Oh, who knows, maybe he'll just get old?"

"Surely he's done something wrong!"

Hanji pretended not to hear and turned to Mikasa.

"Mikasa, would you stay with me for a moment, please?"

The addressed person nodded and showed Armin that she would follow immediately. When the two were alone, Hanji put a hand on the young woman's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to find out this way."

"It's...it's all right Hanji I..." Her voice was shaking.

"You shouldn't be excited Mikasa, everything will be all right. He'll be back soon." The department head tried with all her strength to revive the young woman.

"Come back soon? He can stay in Stohess for all I care!"

Hanji's expression changed from a hopeful to a thoughtful one. She could understand very well why Mikasa felt abandoned. A few days ago she was as surprised by his hasty departure as Mikasa was now.

"It doesn't matter Hanji! I'll continue normally, I shouldn't be distracted now. The scouting expedition is about to begin, and I don't want to be distracted."

"Wait a minute, Mikasa, you're not really coming with us on this expedition? I mean, you're not obligated to, under your circumstances."

"I know Hanji, but I'm still a soldier, and I can still do it without problems."

"That's right, I can't yet forbid you for medical reasons. And your superior is in Stohess at the moment. But I still don't think it's the best idea."

"Hanji please, I'm fine. It's probably the last mission for me in the near future."

Hanji audibly let the air escape from her lungs before she answered. "I guess I can't stop you, can I, Soldier Ackermann?"

A slight smile lay on Mikasa's lips and she hugged the department leader briefly before turning around and heading back to the quarters. "Thank you."

Another week passed until the day of the expedition. Levi had spent most of his time complaining about the behaviour of the military police. He constantly hated having to talk to Nile Dok, the commander of the military police. It was clearly mutual, for Nile had still not forgotten how the Survey Corps had taken Eren. Moreover, he had no friendly interest in Levi, he knew his past only too well. Even though it had been more than a decade now, he could not forget what kind of person Levi had been before he joined the Survey Corps. He had kept his military policemen in the underground pretty busy until Erwin had finally put an end to him.

These were not pleasant memories that came up in him, for Stohess lay exactly above the underworld where he had spent his childhood and youth. In former times he had always dreamed of living like the other people in Stohess. Now it was annoying for him, because he had realized that these people were anything but good. They did not share their wealth and looked down on other people from above. When he walked through the streets people recognized him, he was a hero. No one before him had destroyed as many Titans as he had. But would they still adore him if they knew his past? If they learned, he once was a rat from the underworld they so despised?

It was a day like any other, he hadn't received a letter from Erwin for two days, because there was not much to do at the moment. The scouting expedition led by Hanji had started and was expected back in a few days. He did not regret being here in Stohess, he felt better and yet he was not happy even now. Normally he did not miss a mission, it only happened when he was injured. He remembered his last injury and stroked his knee. It had been several years ago, when he had injured his knee while trying to free Eren Jäger from the clutches of the female Titan. He had pushed Mikasa to the side because he had seen how dangerous the situation had been for her.

He had planned to go to the underworld today. Levi didn't know why, because he hated that place. This is where he was born, this is where his mother had died, and this is where Kenny had taken him under his wing. He had made him what he had been for several years. one of the most feared criminals in the underworld.

As he walked down the stony steps a disgusting smell was already hitting him. The military police had abandoned this place several years ago and left it to its own devices. They only controlled the entrance and exit so that the riffraff didn't get the idea to take shelter in Stohess. The situation in the dirty streets had worsened compared to before. Due to the attacks of the Titans, many people became refugees who had found no other place to go, now they fought for their survival here every day.

It was an oppressive feeling he felt as he walked through the alleys. Didn't he know any better? He had grown up without his father, he didn't even know him. He had been some kind of customer who had only used his mother's services. And then the day came when his mother became ill. There was nothing he could do, there were no doctors, let alone they could afford medicine. Shortly afterwards she died, and he stayed behind.

He had vowed to himself that if he ever had a child, it would not have to grow up without a father. It would have it better and not have to go through the same torments as he had. The feeling of guilt paved his way and Levi realized more and more what he was doing here. He shirked his responsibility and ran away. He couldn't stand it for another second and hurried back to the surface.

At that moment he knew exactly what he had to do. He was on his way to a shop in Stohess to put his plan into practice. When he had finished his business, he went back to his room to dress appropriately. He had had to adjust his clothes to avoid attracting unnecessary attention in the Underworld, but now he could put on clean, tidier clothes again.

His break was over, and he returned to his office. To his surprise, Nile Dok was waiting outside.

"Ahh Levi there you are. I have a report here that was handed to me by the survey corps. I noticed something strange, maybe you know more."

Levi followed by Nile Dok entered his office.

"Who wrote the report?"

"Commander Erwin."

"Then you already know my answer, it's just like the report says."

"All right, I thought I'd give it a try. You survey corps guys are such mystery-mongers."

"You military policemen too, right?"

The conversation of the two men was interrupted by a stormy knocking on the door. The captain raised an eyebrow.

"Enter!"

A slim man, who was visibly out of breath, entered the room and saluted the two men. On his coat he wore the crest of the survey corps.

"I have an urgent message for Captain Levi Ackermann!"

Addressed seemed very surprised when he received the letter. "I don't really expect a letter from Erwin Smith today."

"The letter is from Department Leader Hanji Zoe."

Levi glanced briefly at the seal before opening the letter. His eyes wandered across the lines and grew darker with each word. When he had finished reading, he seemed to freeze for a moment, but then hastily stuffed the letter into the pocket of his suit. Without another word, he stormed out of the room toward the stables, leaving a stunned Nile Dok behind.


	11. Chapter 11

As fast as his feet could carry him, Levi ran to the stables. When he arrived there, he hastily saddled his horse and set off. His destination was the camp of the survey corps, outside at the edge of the walls. With all his strength he urged the horse to arrive as soon as possible, but he knew that he would not make it before sunset. Again and again his thoughts wandered to the letter he had read 2 hours ago.

_Dear Levi,_

_I'm having this courier send for you because something happened on our expedition. We weren't expecting to run into any Titans, and then an abnormal one at that. There was an incident in which some of the soldiers were injured. Unfortunately, Mikasa Ackermann is among them. Her condition is stable, but this can change at any time._

_I have sent the messenger to you immediately, we are on our way back to the camp. Maybe you'll manage to get there before us._

_Department Head Hanji Zoe_

_PS: Ride off immediately!_

Levi was unable to imagine exactly what had happened. How could a simple scouting mission end like this? And how was it possible that Mikasa was among the injured? These questions should be answered soon. One hour after the sun had set, he reached the camp with a panting horse, and without hesitation he jumped off the horse at the entrance in front of the building with the infirmary. He didn't bother to tie it on, since no one saw him anyway because of the darkness.

Hurriedly he walked up the stairs to the corridor leading to the sickbay. He saw that a door was a little open, revealing the glimmer of a candle. Just as he was starting to move again, the door opened completely and Hanji, with a candleholder in her hand, stepped into the hallway.

She moved closer to Levi and spoke in a subdued voice. "Levi! I'm glad you're here. We arrived a few hours ago and took care of the soldiers."

"What happened?"

Hanji sighed exhausted. Only now Levi realized how tired the department head looked.

"We can't say that for sure yet. All I know is that an abnormal titan took Mikasa and Jean out of action and broke through the formation."

"I still don't quite understand this Hanji, why was Mikasa on the mission in the first place?"

"Levi, it doesn't matter for now. You have to be strong. I don't want to lie to you, I think Mikasa will make it, but... I'm not sure about the child. Her injuries are too severe, we can only hope."

Levi's eyes became glassy, the words echoed in his head like an echo that would never fade away. He didn't know what else to say, because he was missing the right words. Slowly he moved towards the door until Hanji stopped him with one hand to say a few more words to him.

"Levi wait, you must know that she is not conscious. She needs rest to recover. Earlier, just after sundown, I sent Eren and Armin back to their rooms, so no one will see you." Carefully she pushed the candle into the captain's hand.

"I'm so sorry, Levi. I'll talk to you tomorrow." As she left, she gently stroked his back.

Careful not to make a loud noise, he opened the door and entered the room with an attentive movement. The faint glow of the candle was not enough to illuminate the entire room, but that was not necessary either. His eyes immediately fell on the bed in which the black-haired woman was lying. He was startled, for despite the poor lighting conditions he could see how pale her otherwise rosy skin was. She must have lost quite a bit of blood.

His legs trembled as he approached the bed, carefully he put the candle down on the small table next to the bed. Now her face was even more clearly visible. The little beads of sweat on her forehead and the strands hanging down her face.

Carefully he bent forward and gently stroked the strands from her face. He felt how warm her forehead was. She must have had a fever. He took a tissue from his jacket pocket and dabbed the beads of sweat from her forehead. When he looked at her, he was taken over. He knelt down in front of the bed and with his trembling hands reached for her fingers. Small tears rolled down his cheeks as his emotions overwhelmed him. Gently, his lips touched the back of her hand.

Softly and barely audible he whispered. "Please Mikasa, you must fight, not only for yourself. Please fight for our child too. I beg you! I can't lose anyone else."

He carefully examined her body, she was covered with a thin sheet and regularly raised and lowered her chest. He could not see exactly where her injuries were. Only small scratches and scrapes were visible on her face and arms. Gently he stroked her arm up and down with his fingers. He wished for nothing more than that she would open her eyes.

At that moment he would bear anything, she could shout at him, ignore him, beat him, everything would be better than this situation. "I'm sorry Mikasa! I didn't want that. This should never have happened."

After some time, the tears dried up and Levi got tired, he put a chair in front of the bed where he had kneeled before and sat down. Again, he took her hand in his. He listened attentively to her breath until after a short time he sank forward with his upper body. His head slightly touched her side and he entangled his fingers with hers. When the light of the candle went out, Levi also drifted into a restless sleep.

It haunted him into his dreams and did not let him escape. Again and again he whispered in his sleep. The fear of losing his unborn child drove him insane.

He jumped up slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was still dark in the room and it took him a while to orientate himself. A familiar voice softly reached his ear. "Levi, it's me, Hanji. Wake up."

"Hanji, sorry I fell asleep!"

"That's all right, I just wanted to wake you up before sunrise, because Eren and Armin will probably be here soon, and I think you might not want to face them like this."

Levi straightened his clothes a little and stretched himself, as his sleeping position had not been very comfortable. "Thanks Hanji, you mean they don't know?"

"No, Mikasa didn't tell them, probably out of consideration for you too."

"I understand I should make myself more presentable. Could you please come to my office later?"

"Levi! You're not going to work, are you?"

"Honestly, I don't know what I'm up to, Hanji. Does Erwin already know I’m back?"

Hanji nodded her head slightly, "Yes, I told him last night."

"Okay, then I'll go to him and report back, I don't know where to go anyway."

"Do that, I'll take care of her. You should still get some rest, though. I'll join you later at your hut and then we can talk." What the captain couldn't know was that Hanji had regularly checked on Mikasa during the night. She had noticed very well how restless Levi had slept. She had looked at him and saw how much this whole affair was taking him away.

Hanji also felt a feeling of guilt coming up inside her. She felt partly responsible for the whole situation and wished she had stopped the young woman from joining the expedition after all.

Levi let go of Mikasa's hand and went to the door. Nothing seemed to have changed in the last hours. Nothing could give him hope at this moment. He felt powerless.

He watched for a few more moments as Hanji began to put her hand on Mikasa's forehead to feel her temperature. The expression on the face of the department head told him that it didn't seem to be good. Slowly she pushed down the sheet that lay on her weak body and revealed a large bandage wrapped around her whole abdomen. He could not bear another second and left the room.


	12. Chapter 12

As Levi stepped in front of the building, it was already beginning to dawn. He heard the bell ring, which, like every morning, announced the beginning of the day for all soldiers. On the way to his hut he only met two soldiers who were doing their guard tour around the area. When they recognized him, the two hurriedly saluted him.

"Captain Levi! You're back!"

"Clearly, dismissed!" Levi had anything but the desire to talk to any of them. He knew that the entire camp would soon learn about his return.

Arriving at his hut he checked the lock, it was no longer locked as he had left it that day, but he didn't worry any further. In the hut itself a light layer of dust had settled on the furniture. The Captain stroked a flat hand over the surface of the table where he had hardly ever sat. This condition was more than just unacceptable for him. But now other worries were floating in his head. Normally he would have started to clean everything immediately, but he lacked the strength. He would probably condemn any recruits if he met any on the way to Erwin.

Now he first had to wash and put on new clothes. He entered the small bathroom, which he had as a senior soldier, in his own hut. His eyes fell on a bucket, which to his amazement was filled with water. Hanji had probably already arranged everything for his return, which at least would explain why the door was unlocked. Thanking her in his thoughts, he approached the basin and washed his body. When he was done, he wrapped a towel around his hips and went to his bedroom. He noticed very well that his bed had also been freshly made. "If they broke into my cabin without permission, at least they could have removed the dust."

He opened his closet and looked at his uniform. He briefly stroked his hand over the emblem of the survey corps, but then decided to wear his suit. He could not put on the uniform, not now. Wearing it felt wrong, he was not really able to play the strong soldier. He also wanted to go back to Mikasa later on and there he thought a uniform would not be suitable. In this situation he was no longer her always grim superior, he was the father of her child. At that moment he would probably give everything for that, just so that his child would feel better. He would give up missions and devote himself to the paperwork and if she wanted him to, then even forever.

A child should not know the worry of losing a parent forever. He didn't want to be that man who walked out the door and then never came back. He sighed briefly but then quickly dressed. For a moment he looked at himself in the mirror and controlled his appearance. It did not differ much from his usual appearance, only that his already deep circles around his eyes were now even darker than usual.

Without wasting any more time, he made his way to the building with the offices of the higher-ranking soldiers, which contained Erwin's room as well as his and Hanji's. He walked across the yard again and met some soldiers who had just come from the washing places. Skilfully he ignored their looks and entered the building. The stairs creaked under his heavy steps and bounced a little with every step. Arriving in front of Erwin's office he knocked twice and waited for an answer.

"Come in!" it came muffled by the wood of the door.

Levi entered and closed the door behind him.

"Ah Levi, it is you. Hanji had already told me you were back."

The addressed one turned back to the commander and revealed the dark shadows under his eyes. Slowly he moved towards the chair in front of the desk and let his body sink down on him carelessly.

"Yes I am here again Erwin. And I don't want to go back to Stohess so soon. Nile Dawk's face can hardly be tolerated for more than an hour a day."

"I understand." Erwin pulled his eyebrows together worriedly before continuing. "Levi, what I want to tell you is that I'm terribly sorry. Hanji brought me up to date. No one could have expected that. Do you understand Levi?"

But Levi did not raise his eyes to look at Erwin. "I don't understand anything right now. All I know is that Ackermann was on an expedition where she should never have been. To allow a pregnant soldier to go on a mission... that... that is..." The tone of his voice became sharper and sharper.

"Levi stop! You didn't know the circumstances at all. I will not tolerate any accusations against Hanji here. I'm sure she'll talk to you personally about it later, but for now stop looking for a guilty person."

Levi's gaze met the certain eyes of Erwin. "Neither Hanji nor Ackermann or you are to blame. It just happened. If you want to be angry at someone, then be angry at the Titan, or at me for that matter, but don't blame the others."

"That doesn't undo any of this Erwin, I can't do anything but wait. You know better than anyone how I feel, Erwin. You were there when..." His voice broke off, too painful were the thoughts of the day he had lost his best friends, who had been like brother and sister to him. "It's like then, I'm too late. There's nothing more I can do."

"I know what you think, Levi. But Mikasa Ackermann is not Furlan or Isabel, she is a fighter and you know it. And this time you are here, you are at her side. You think you can't do anything, but you can. You can be by her side, you can hope. You are so much further along than you were a few weeks ago when you found out you were going to be a father. You seem to have understood something."

Levi let his head fall to his neck. "That may be so, but all this doesn't do me any good Erwin. My child is dying, maybe even right this second. I never even saw it, never held it. It doesn't even have a name, and yet it tears me apart." Before his eyes could fill with tears, he blinked hastily.

"Fate is sometimes unpredictable and we don't understand it. But still, Levi, you sit before me now. And you will do it again. No matter what the outcome. I know you and I know you can go on. You've proved it before." The encouraging sound in Erwin's voice felt wrong in Levi's ears. He got up from his chair and put his hand on the doorknob. "Yes, Erwin, I can go on, but maybe I don't want to this time." With these words he stepped into the corridor and went down it again. He briefly opened the door to his study and looked inside. Nothing had changed, the files he had left behind were still on his desk just as he had left them. He didn't know whether he would soon be sitting in the chair behind his desk again to work. He made his way back.

Arriving in his hut he sat down at the table and placed his head in his hands. He didn't know how long Hanji would need, he needed something to distract himself, because the waiting was driving him crazy. He got up and fetched a glass from a cupboard, with a trembling hand he poured some whisky, which he also kept in the cupboard. The bottle was full, because he drank very rarely. He was usually more inclined to his tea, but today he needed something stronger.

With bottle and glass in his hands he sat back down at the table. After the second glass he felt the tiredness he was trying to suppress, it gained the upper hand and he dozed off easily. He had to give a miserable picture of him lying there on the table with his head, a glass in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other.

A few hours later, in the late afternoon, there was a knock at his door and Levi's head shot up. He had slept for several hours, small furrows and patterns graced the left side of his face, with which he had been lying on the tabletop. He rose to open the door, he already knew that it had to be Hanji.

The department leader wore her uniform like every day. Her glasses made her eyes look greatly enlarged. It seemed like nothing had changed. Levi took a step aside and let the brown-haired woman enter the hut past him. Suspicious and hidden from Levi's gaze, she examined the alcohol that was still on the table. She sat down without comment and laid her hands crossed on the table. Levi did the same and pierced her eyes with his gaze.

Hanji looked at his face attentively. "Did you hurt yourself? "Let me take a look." Just as she was about to bend over, Levi backed away with his head. "No, I was sleeping like you told me to."

"Not here, I hope. With your head on the table? You have a bed, don't you?"

"Hanji, I don't think you're here to lecture me about my sleep." It came from Levi.

"No, you're right, I'm sorry. I'm sure you have some questions."

"Questions? Actually, I only have one." He took a short break and then raised his voice "Why on earth was Ackermann on the mission, damn it?!" The rage that made his voice tremble was almost tangible. But Hanji didn't answer defiantly, she had understanding for his feelings and knew that he couldn't help it. She stretched her hands over the table to reach for his, but he hurriedly withdrew his.

"Levi please understand. It's not important, what matters now is that she wakes up and your child is all right."

"I don't think so. I want an answer to my question!"

Hanji was sorry, she knew that the answer would burden him even more. She didn't want him to feel any more guilty than he did anyway, but she couldn't keep quiet any longer. She reached for the whisky that was still on the table and took a big sip straight from the bottle before she started talking. "I didn't know Mikasa Ackermann wanted to join the mission. I assumed that she would stay here. I took it for granted and therefore couldn't dissuade her from participating in the mission in time."

"I still don't understand, you could have ordered her to do it." Levi looked at his counterpart questioningly.

"No, Levi, I couldn't have. We are at war, different rules apply, she is not yet far enough along in the pregnancy to be able to forbid it. She was able to make her own decisions from a medical point of view." Once again Hanji hesitated. "The only person who could have forbidden her was you. You are still her superior."

The words echoed in Levi's head and became louder and louder. The feeling of guilt hit him with all its force and without preparation. His eyes became glassy and his gaze fixed. Absent, he stood up and stepped to a window. Speaking more to himself than to Hanji, the words escaped him. "I am to blame. I alone am to blame." He shook his trembling hand at his mouth. "I may have killed my child."

It was exactly this reaction that Hanji had wanted to avoid at all costs. She too rose and went to Levi's side. Gently she put one hand on his shoulder. "Hey... you know that's not true. It was her decision to participate in the mission, you didn't know. She is the strongest soldier we've ever had, she was able to assess her abilities. No one could have anticipated what would happen. There were too many unfortunate circumstances that came together. Don't blame yourself for something that no one could have foreseen."

Slowly Levi's shoulders seemed to relax a little again. "Then tell me what else can I do, Hanji? I can't think straight anymore." He turned his head to her and looked her straight in the eyes and spoke in a trembling voice. "I'm scared to death Hanji!"

Hanji's hand moved from his shoulder to his cheek. It was a gesture the captain would never have allowed otherwise.

"You can do something, go to her. Be at her side and give her strength. You'll see, soon it'll all be over. Look forward to your future and concentrate on the time after. Don't lose yourself in your feelings, Levi."

The Captain seemed to be getting back into the situation. He reached for her hand, which was still on his cheek, and squeezed it briefly. "Thanks Hanji, I'll go to her. It's dawn already." He made his way to the door.

"This is the best you can do. You know where to find me."

Levi nodded at her and made his way to the infirmary.


	13. Chapter 13

Arriving at the infirmary, Levi noticed how empty it actually was here. There hadn't been any major incidents recently, so the beds stayed empty overnight. Only minor wounds from the soldiers' training had to be treated during the day. He remembered much worse times when the infirmary was overcrowded almost every day. He too had had several wounds fixed here. He thought back to the day when Hanji had restored his ankle. It had not been a very pleasant affair but for the life of Mikasa he had accepted it. For a moment the corner of his mouth twitched upwards, she had never really obeyed an order from him.

He entered the room in which the young woman was lying and immediately lit a candle, which stood on the small table next to the bed. He was not frightened as he had been the first time, for he already knew what to expect. Her skin was still as pale as he remembered it. Carefully he put a hand on her forehead to feel for her temperature. She clearly still seemed to have a fever, but not as strong as the night before.

Levi went through the room to get a chair, which he put down next to her bed as he had done the night before and sat down. For a while he watched her chest rise and fall and listened to her slight breathing sound. He felt insecure, he would rather fight a Titan now, because at least he knew what to do. He gathered all his courage, reached for her hand and spoke in a muffled voice. "I am not good at this. No, to be honest, I'm actually pretty bad at talking, but you know that yourself." For a moment he turned his eyes away from her, because he felt stupid talking to someone who probably didn't even hear him. He had to gather all his remaining strength to continue.

"You know, Mikasa, it was pretty monotonous in Stohess and I had to deal with Nile Dawk all the time. He is the commander of the military police, in case you didn't know. He can be a real pain in the arse. But I don't think you want to hear all this..."

Again his eyes became glassy and filled with tears, he hastily wiped them away with his free hand. "Please Mikasa wake up. I have done so many things so wrong, I should never have left. I can understand that you thought I would abandon you. It will never happen again. I'll do anything you ask for. You'll have your own big cabin with an extra room for the baby. Or we can live together and I'll always be near you, but I won't push you to do anything. I won't take part in any more missions. Our child shouldn't have to grow up without me." He held her hand to his lips.

"Do you understand? Everything will be all right, but now you must fight for me and if not for me, then for our child." Levi intertwined his fingers with hers, leaned his upper body forward and laid his head on the bed next to her so he could still watch her. The top of his head slightly touched the side of her body. After a while his eyelids began to flutter, and he could barely keep himself awake. Before he lost consciousness, he murmured his last words. "I am here."

It was not a peaceful sleep that haunted him, but it was deep enough to prevent him from waking up constantly. This state lasted for several hours until he felt a slight pressure on his hand. All at once a stabbing pain shot through his wrist and he woke up rudely. Still drunk asleep, he found it difficult to understand what was going on. He noticed that Mikasa moved slightly and her hand clawed into his forearm. Painful sounds escaped her body quietly. When he had caught himself, he grabbed her by both shoulders.

"Mikasa! Hey! Say something!" But there was no answer. The painful sounds remained the only sign of life. Levi hastily lit a candle to see better. The sight he saw made an icy shiver run down his spine. Mikasa's face was distorted in pain and pale. She was covered in sweat and moved her head from side to side. Her eyes were closed and it didn't seem like she was awake, let alone perceive anything. Levi put his hands on her cheeks and held her head firmly, hoping to wake her up.

"Wake up! Damn it, Ackermann! That's an order!" But her eyelids did not move an inch. Levi's attention now wandered to her hands with which she alternately flailed around and clung to his clothes. It was this moment when Levi knew what he had to do. He let go of her face and tore the white sheet from her body with his hands. The sight he was offered made him freeze for a second. The sheet under her body was blood-red.

"Shit! Hanji!" Immediately he rushed out of the room and rumbled down the stairs. "Hanji! Hurry, you've got to help her!" His cries were so loud that the entire camp had to be woken up from its sleep. When he wanted to continue his sprint outside the building, he already recognized a female figure hurrying towards him.

"What's wrong Levi?" The department head hurriedly put on her jacket and followed Levi into the building.

"I don't know, there's blood. There's blood Hanji everywhere!" The sheer horror resonated in his voice.

They reached the door of the infirmary, but before they entered it, Hanji laid his hands firmly on Levi's shoulders. "You can't go in there now! Please understand."

"No, I can't just wait here and do nothing!"

"Levi! We usually trust you, but now you have to trust me."

Slowly his resistance broke, and he leaned against the wall. Hanji nodded and noticed how more steps came up. It was Moblit, Hanji's assistant and constant companion on every mission and experiment. Her attention immediately jumped from Levi to him.

"Moblit, soldier Ackermann seems to be losing blood and..." But Levi couldn't listen to her further because she closed the door behind them.

The Captain couldn't bear to lean silently against the wall and hurriedly paced up and down the hall. The seconds seemed like hours to him and the minutes like years. His fear and premonitions grew more and more. The certainty that his child might be dying, and he could not prevent it drove him insane. It took another half hour before the door slowly opened. Hurriedly Levi stood in front of it and looked into Hanji's meaningless face. She pushed him back a little when she stepped into the hall. Only now did he notice that she was no longer wearing her jacket and saw that her white shirt was covered in blood. He looked at her expectantly.

"Levi, Mikasa is fine." A short wave of relief hit him. But when Hanji tried to reach out her hand to him and he could see that her face was the most painful one Levi had ever seen, he guessed it.

"I'm sorry..."

"No! Say it's not true! Hanji Please!" His body began to tremble.

A tear ran down the cheek of the department leader. "There was nothing more I was able to do. We were lucky Ackermann survived at all. She lost too much blood."

It began to flicker before Levi's eyes and the shock hit him with all its force. He stumbled back against the wall until his shoulders hit the wood. "No... no... that's not true."

Slowly Hanji moved towards the man in front of her who slowly sank down the wall. "My child is... It can't be. Stop your bad jokes."

"Levi..." She knelt down before him.

Hastily, he took her hands and stared at her like a madman. "Say it isn't true, Hanji!"

"I wish I could." She only heard a miserable whimpering before she put her arms protectively around the captain and held him tight. At that moment his heart broke a second time, it had already taken him years to overcome the death of Isabel and Farlan. It felt as if his heart had been torn out of him alive. He lost the feeling for his body and the arms that lay around him.

Hanji heard more steps on the stairs and looked into the horrified eyes of Armin Arlert and Eren Jäger. They had never guessed what picture they would be presented with when they entered the infirmary. They did not know what had happened, let alone what had gotten into their captain. The man they knew as the strongest soldier of mankind was crouching on the ground and seemed completely different.

Armin was the first to find the courage to speak. "What's going on, department leader?" Eren concurred with the question. "We heard quite a commotion and we were told something had happened at the infirmary. We thought it was something with Mikasa..."

"You don't have to worry... Mikasa is doing well, considering the circumstances. You can see her this afternoon, but now you must leave." Hanji could understand how worried Arlert and Jäger were about their comrade and yet she had to protect Levi at that moment. She knew that it would not end well for him should they continue to see him in this state.

"I don't quite understand department leader. What is going on here? What about Captain Levi?"

"I told you to go back. I hope I don't have to make myself any clearer than that!" It was the first time that Hanji raised her voice to her comrades. She was reluctant to do so, but she had to protect her friend in this situation.

When Armin and Eren had left the building again, she turned her attention back to Levi, whom she had constantly embraced. By now he had stopped sobbing and was just crouching motionlessly on the floor, staring into the void. "You must get up. Do you hear me?" But the black-haired man made no move whatsoever. "Damn it, Levi! I'll send for Erwin if you don't get up!"

These words seemed to reach him somehow and he raised his head. It was like after the death of his friends, a moment of clarity came over him and he became cold. His heart turned into a stone, the tears dried up and he stopped to feel. Slowly he rose from the wooden underground and turned towards the exit.

"Wait a minute Levi... Where are you going?"

"To my cabin. Leave me alone."

"Please, you can't be alone now." Hanji laid a hand on his shoulder in concern. It didn't take even a fraction of a second and he slapped the hand aside. "Follow me and you'll regret it!" His growling was the last thing Hanji heard from him when he left.

The next weeks flew by, even though Armin and Eren still didn't understand what had happened that night, they were even happier that Mikasa had recovered almost completely. Today was the first day when she was allowed to participate in an easy training again and wanted to use this opportunity. The only obstacle was her nervous stomach. She knew very well that she would meet Levi and would have preferred to avoid it. She did not know exactly what had happened. Hanji had only told her that Levi had been back in the camp since her arrival. She noticed that Hanji was holding something back and was probably hoping that she would talk directly to her captain.

But if there was one thing she couldn't do, it was talk to the man who had abandoned her. She put one hand over her stomach. She felt empty and tried to convince herself that it was better for her. At Sasha's side and trying not to let the nervousness be seen, she entered the training area. Even before she could stand in line, Sasha grabbed her by the arm and whispered to her. "Hey Mikasa, before you have to feel it on your own person, I better warn you. Ever since the captain returned, he has been very strange. He seems very unfocused, constantly screaming and calling us names. One of the soldiers said that he had noticed the strong smell of alcohol in his vicinity. So if you don't want to run extra laps today, you should be more discreet than usual."

"Thanks for the heads up, Sasha."

Just as the words had left her lips, they heard a loud roar from afar. "Why aren't you standing in your formation?! Useless bastards!" It could not be compared to any of his other outbursts of rage she had already experienced. When she had quickly placed herself in her formations, Sasha hissed at her one last time. "This has been going on for weeks now, every day. I don't know what has happend to him in Stohess, but it has to be massive."

Mikasa observed how her supervisor did stomp anything than neatly towards them. "I don't understand how someone as incompetent as you..." His screams died away and his gaze became fixed. While he had spoken, his gaze had wandered over the rows of soldiers and when he recognized the dark black of their hair, he froze. He stood there staring at her as if rooted to the ground. No one said a word, the seconds passed and felt like minutes. Mikasa's gaze stood up to his freezing cold eyes and more seconds passed.

"Captain?" No response.

"Captain Levi?" No response.

"Are you all right, Captain?" Eren had taken a step out of line and looked suspiciously at the frozen man. It tore Levi from his rigidity and made the thoughts flood his brain again. With a threatening voice he approached Eren and spat the words in his face. "You run until you collapse Jäger. Now!" The last word he shouted so loudly that the soldiers had the feeling their eardrums would burst. "We will not continue training until only able soldiers are left on this field. Invalids have no place in training." His ice-cold look hit Mikasa again and fixed her. She didn't move and checked his face instead.

He seemed unkempt and not at all like the man he had once been. His cravat hung badly tied from his neck and it was clearly visible that he had not shaved today. His hair hung in wisps on his face and his otherwise thoroughly shaved undercut was slowly growing out. He was merely a shadow of his former self.

Sasha gently nudged into Mika's side, "Shh! I think he means you." Mikasa had understood very well, but she felt treated unfairly. She was allowed to take part in the training again if she did not overdo it, she had promised Hanji. Slowly the young woman realized that there was probably no point in starting an uprising now. It would probably have the opposite effect of what she wanted to achieve and would put the others in an even more unpleasant position. Determined and with taut steps she stepped forward and provocatively passed Levi close by as she left the compound. She could literally see his blood boiling and beads of sweat forming on his forehead as she almost touched him. It was in that moment and only a fraction of a second that she actually noticed it. He really smelled like alcohol and not at all like Levi. His smell had always been a bit clinical and soapy, but pleasant, but now there was nothing left of it.

She was angry that he hadn't let her participate in the training and let her anger out during dinner. Of course, she knew that the reasons were not rational and her friends did not know the truth, but still she felt a little better when she complained.

"Just be grateful that you were spared today. Eren had to run until he couldn't run anymore, and we were allowed to beat each other the whole time, without a break."

"Don't forget, to top it off, we all got to clean the washing areas!"

"I've been trying not to think about that." Connie was joking.

Mikasa was happy to be back with her friends and yet she didn't manage to tell them the truth. She was afraid of the reactions and hoped that they would not suspect anything else. She noticed that they behaved a little bit different than usual towards her, but she couldn't place it. When night fell over the camp, the soldiers went to their rooms and lay down to rest.

When the young woman had closed her eyes, it didn't take long and horrible images started playing out in her head. Since she had regained consciousness, these dreams had been her constant companions, but today it was much more intense. After a short while she awoke from this surreal world and orientated herself briefly in the room. She heard the steady snoring of Sasha with whom she shared a room. Quietly and not to wake her, she put on her uniform. She knew that she would probably not be able to sleep that night and decided to get some fresh air. When she stepped outside the building, she shivered slightly. Although it was already late summer, the night had cooled down tremendously, giving a brief glimpse of the coming season.

The air flowed through her lungs and did her good. She crossed her arms in front of her upper body and pressed her jacket against her body to protect herself from the cold before she started moving. Her path led her past the small buildings that contained the most diverse rooms. From the pantries, to the offices, to the arsenals. On her way she met only one guard who made his tour of the area and asked about her well-being. She assured the soldier that she was well and that she just couldn't sleep. He smiled mildly and let himself be carried away to a few words. "We all feel like this at some point. That is the dark side of being a hero. I wish you a good night." He resumed his watch.

When she started to walk again as well, a question came into her head. Could Levi sleep peacefully? But this question was to be answered faster than she wanted to, when she heard a soft wooden rumble. She located the source in a passage between two buildings. The closer she came to it, the more clearly she could hear a faint sobbing, but it was not continuous and fell silent again and again. She tried to see something in the darkness and spotted a few boxes, some of which were stacked on top of each other. She was not afraid, at least not in such situations, one of her useful qualities. She moved towards the crates between the buildings until she was swallowed by the darkness as well. She slowed her steps until she crept around the crates like a cat. She was so silent that no one could even suspect she was near.

When she had managed to sneak past the visual obstacles, a worrying image was revealed to her. Leaning against one of the boxes sat a soldier, dressed only in his simple shirt, which was also buttoned up wrong. Without his jacket and sitting on the floor, he was terribly cold. The man had put one hand in front of his face and could not perceive her that way. In the other hand he held an almost empty bottle, its contents Mikasa could only speculate about. She felt the sense of duty that she had as a soldier rising in her and bent down to him. Just as she was about to call for additional help, the man's hand fell from his face onto the sandy ground and she recognized who was cowering in front of her.

She shrank back and stumbled a few steps further into the space between the buildings. The soldier, who had seemed so defenceless before, rose up now, not very safe but still threatening. He inspected her and forced himself down the rest of the contents of the bottle. With a violent movement he hurled it against the wooden wall next to him, so that the glass splinters partially hit him.

"What are you doing here?" The clarity of his words astonished her. She had expected a slur, and yet, his words did not miss their effect. "I asked what you're doing here, Ackermann!"

"Captain? Have you been drinking?"

"So what? What's that to you?"

"A lot when I see a helpless soldier on the ground!"

Levi snorted contemptuously and turned away from her, ready to leave.

"Stop! Are you as gutless now as you were then?" The words left Mikasa a little louder than expected, but they seemed to have their full effect immediately. Levi stopped and turned around on his heel. Threateningly he moved towards her. "You? You want to tell me what's right or wrong?" Between each word he left a pause and gestured with his index finger until he came to a halt right in front of her. "You went on this mission Mikasa!"

"Why don't you act like a grown-up? You let yourself go, drink and make a big deal about it, even though you have no right to!"

"If you hadn't gone on that mission, then..." But Levi could not finish the sentence, because Mikasa's flat hand was searching the way to his face. With a quick reflex, he held her by the wrist before her blow could hit him. Levi looked into her eyes, in which bitter tears had gathered. He saw the pain in her eyes and recognized himself in them. It was the same pain he felt day after day, even if he didn't want to admit it to himself. His firm grip around her wrist became softer and the pain that had accumulated in his eyes also flared up in his eyes.

"I, too, have lost a child, Mikasa!"

They knew how senseless it was to hate each other and to look for the guilty party in the other person when they had experienced the same suffering and yet they had been caught up in their behavior patterns.

With a shaky voice Mikasa found the words again. "You were gone without a word. You went away and left me alone."

The captain swallowed, he knew they were both right. No one had acted right in the moments that mattered and now they both had to pay the price equally.

"Come on!" With the hand still on her wrist, he pulled her out of the alley and made sure that no one saw them. He pulled her behind him through a door that was just around the corner and let her go as she was now following him. She realized that they were in the building with the offices and already had an idea what his destination was. Arriving in front of his office he opened the door and entered in front of her. He used his lead and lit the lamp on his desk. It was a strange feeling for Mikasa to stand in this room. She hadn't been here for a long time. In the past she had had to come to his office all the time when he had been upset about her during training. She closed the door behind her and stopped on the other side of the room. Levi, however, had stayed behind his desk and opened a drawer.

Even though Mikasa was rarely afraid, she was unable to push this feeling aside at that moment. She watched Levi's movements carefully and tried to fathom his intentions. She couldn't see exactly what he had taken out of the desk, she only saw him standing behind the desk with a small box in his hand and looking at the object with sad eyes. Slowly his gaze wandered to her and looked for her eyes. He moved around the desk and walked towards her again. This time it was not threatening, it was miserable and broken. He stretched out his hand with the box and waited for her to do the same and take the small package.

Mikasa didn't know what she was holding in her hands and looked suspiciously at the box.

"Open it!" While she carefully lifted the lid, he continued talking. "Mikasa, I'm sorry! But you must know this... I would never have let you down, I would never have let both of you down."

Mikasa's eyes widened when she recognized the small object that was inside the box. It was a ring that was beautiful to look at despite its simple nature. Slowly Mikasa nodded as if she had understood something essential at that moment and looked into his dark eyes. She reached out her hand and handed him the box back. It felt as if she was giving away a life she could have had in this moment. One last time Levi spoke in a broken voice before she left his office.

"I wouldn't have left you. I never would have done that to you."


End file.
